I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
