Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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