True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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