I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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