I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
