god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
