I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
