Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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