I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize