I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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