ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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