He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
