Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
