Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
