The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
worst night to have a conscience
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
