I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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