too bad you live with your parents still
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
