is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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