please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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