eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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