i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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