My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
