this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
