cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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