ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
