Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
