I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
