and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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