Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
