No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
