I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
