I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
