I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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