yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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