I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize