i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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