He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
