for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
