All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
