My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
