Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
