You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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