and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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