my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have fence marks all over my body
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
