Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
