Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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