that's an acceptable place to lick
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
