Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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