so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
