I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
