I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
