If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just tell him i said nine months
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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