Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
