I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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