it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
