Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
