You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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