she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Small penises have feelings too.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
