Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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