The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
