Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
