Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
