and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
