I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize