the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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