I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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