Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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