When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
