The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I need water and some morals
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
