Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize