I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
