But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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