I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
