it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
His hands were made for my vagina.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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