Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
