You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
