3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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