Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize