____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
