ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
