Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
