In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
