Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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