every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
