I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
