I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
