This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize