fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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