You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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