even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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