I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
