sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
