i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dick very happy bro
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
