I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
