In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
