His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
