I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
