I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
