he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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