If you die in college, do you die in real life?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
