Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
