Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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