Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
